Like Fire
by Jotter
Summary: How does life work out for the Thames House bunch after 410? a big SPOILER WARNING goes here. Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't claim to own Spooks, or any of the characters, they all belong to the people at Kudos and the BBC. I'm just borrowing some of the characters and having a bit of fun with them, I promise they'll be nice and clean when I give them back.

Please review, any comments are greatly appreciated :o)

**Like Fire**

It's an odd feeling, y'know, being shot. First thing you feel as that bit of metal enters your body is fire. It's like someone has taken a match to a puddle of petrol lying in your stomach. Your whole body feels like it's alight. Then, at the same time, it feels like the same flaming stomach has been hit with a sledgehammer, all the breath is punched from your lungs and you can't breathe for a moment until your reactions kick in and you take in air. If you didn't see the bullet being fired at you, you really wouldn't know what had hit you, whether you'd been punched, stabbed, anything. It's after a few moments of breathing that you feel it. The pain that comes with having some foreign body pummelled into your own, ripping your muscles and tearing your veins as it goes. I can't really begin to explain it, but there is a reason why the majority of people that get shot pass out pretty quickly. It makes your world go black at the edges, and you see little white spots dance in front of your eyes. The doctor that was tending to my wounds explained to me that as the bullet goes in, it pushes everything in with it, yet when it exits your body it takes everything out with it, that's why sometimes it's more crucial to treat the exit wound first. I thanked him for the info, then shifted to a slightly more comfortable position in my hospital bed.

My name is Adam Cox today, and I am lying in a very white, very crisp, clean hospital room. I'm being treated for bullet wounds just above my heart and in my shoulder blade. Apparently I'm very lucky, the bullet missed my heart, but tore my lung. When Harry dragged me into the protective cover of the car, seconds before Angela Wells shot him too, he apparently turned me over so that I wouldn't choke on my own blood. Harry got caught in his leg, shattering his knee. He's in physiotherapy right now as I contemplate eating some more grapes. Later, when he comes back, relying heavily on a crutch as he limps in, I ask him whether he felt the same sensation when he'd taken the bullet. He nods and adds "both times". Aaah yes, I forgot that our Head of MI-5 had been starring down the barrel of a gun before. He takes a seat slowly, wincing slightly.

I must've gone unconscious quite quickly because all I know about the 'accident' as the hospital think it was, is that Angela somehow got herself to the top of an adjacent building and decided to take Harry and I out when we returned to Thames House. I don't know whether she's still alive, or if she took anyone out of the picture. I want to know, but I don't know whether it's safe to ask now. I glance at Harry's face, he looks worried and tired, understandably.

"Harry, what happened after I blacked out?" I ask. He sighs.

"The wild bird was caged" he replies quietly.

"Permanently?"

"Unless there is a miracle, yes. Permanently."

"Good. Anyone else hurt?" I manage to wince out over a surge of pain caused by my moving slightly.

"No. Thank god….But I'm yet to find out the extent of my injuries. You see, I made an error of judgement, ones at the higher table will not be impressed" he gingerly massaged his heavily bandaged right knee.

"Not one single person could've predicted that such a once tame animal would turn so vicious, Harry" I replied, sitting up very gently.

"You could've been killed, Adam"

"So could you" I will not let him go down this path of self doubt, he may be my boss but he is also a friend, and I will not let him think this is his fault and god forbid do something stupid, like resigning.

"Hmm, but I do not matter so much, what about William?" it takes a moment for me to realise that he is talking about Wes, and I shake my head.

"Harry, I know the risks…"

"But he does not" I pause.

"No, you're right, and I will endeavour to make sure that he never does, believe me"

Harry nods and then a nurse comes into my room to take my obs.

"Mr Peterson, you shouldn't be in here" she says reprimanding Harry for not being in his own room.

"Yes, yes I know. I'm going" Harry stands, very slowly and adjusts his support so that it is comfortable under his arm.

"I will see you soon, Adam"

"Yes you will, back at work. Oh, and Harry?" He stops and turns from the doorframe. "It was not your fault, so don't go thinking it was"

He manages a smile and continues on his slow limping walk back to his own room. The nurse looks at me.

"Those gun clubs are so dangerous" I heard her mutter as she took my temperature.


	2. Chapter 2

Hints slightly at possible R/H in this chapter too :o)

Again, please do review, I'd love to hear what you make of this, it's my first 'in progress' fic that I've posted so I'd like to know whether or not to continue it! lol.

**Chapter 2**

I've been in hospital for 3 weeks and it's safe to say I am going slowly insane. I feel much better, the wounds are almost healed and I'm pretty sure I would be ok to at least go home. I've been bugging the doctors and nurses all morning to find out when I'll be discharged, but all they keep saying is 'when you are fully healed, Mr Cox, you will be released'. I'm sure that I heard one doctor mutter 'believe me, we want you to go home soon too' but I can't really blame him.I know I'm not the easiest of patients.

Harry was released 2 days ago, supplied with an industrial sized brace for his leg and a set of crutches, he was also chomping at the bit to get out of here. He came to see me before he was picked up and told me very firmly that until he was convinced of my full good health, I was not to put even a single toenail inside Thames House otherwise he would see straight to it that I was sent home with a stack of decades old paperwork to get through if I was that desperate to work. I grinned and asked him if the same applied to him, or whether the driver of the pool car coming to get him would be dropping him off at his second home immediately. Harry smiled at me and muttered "Please, what do you take me for. I will of course be sat on my backside at home watching Countdown until I am ready to recommence running the marathon"

"Sure you will" I rolled my eyes at him and he said goodbye before he left.

God, I want to get out of here.

Ruth, Jo and Zaf have all been to see me, bringing with them pieces of fruit and news of the outside world. Fiona's mother and father, who have been looking after Wes have also been in, bringing my son with them. He looked afraid as he entered the room, I wonder what his grandparents had told him, but he soon picked up and was sat on my bed complaining that it wasn't very comfortable. We talked about his schoolwork, how his project on Space was coming along, how his teachers had been nice to him and had understood when he'd got a bit upset in class about his Mummy. I hugged him close to me and said that it was ok, I still got upset about Mummy too, but that we would be ok because we both had each other. Kissing his head, he snuggled close to me and asked me when we'd be able to go home. I had to tell him that I didn't know, but that it would be very soon, hopefully. Thankfully, the nurse left us alone whilst they were with me so I could take down the board displaying my false name for their visit. I didn't want them asking questions that I couldn't answer truthfully.

Ruth had been tearful when she'd first arrived to visit.

"Oh, Adam! I couldn't sleep thinking about you and what would happen to poor…" She stopped, a slight colour rising in her cheeks.

"William?" I asked, thinking she meant my son.

"Yes, William… and Harry" she finished, the colour deepening. Aha! So there WAS something between her and Harry, I'd had my suspicions… but I decided to play this and see what I could get.

"Yeah, well, we're both ok now, both me and our grumpy boss" I smiled at her and she looked back at me.

"I saw it all happening on the monitors in the lobby, god Adam, my heart nearly stopped"

"Mine too" I replied and she raised her hand to her mouth

"Oh, damn - I'm sorry, insensitive expression" the blush was back, but this time for a different reason I'm sure.

"Oh Ruth I'm kidding, I'm fine - honestly, me and Harry are both fine. William's still got his daddy and you've still got your… boss" I finished, raising an eyebrow at her expression.

"Yes, the world shall continue to turn for another day" she said as she looked into her bag to hide that there were more tears threatening to fall.

"I have these" she said, once she'd sat back up. They were newspapers that had reports of the shooting in them. I skim read the article that she'd handed me. Of course, details were altered, now it was an attempted mugging that had gone wrong and there were no names mentioned.

"The hospital think it's a gun club accident?" I asked, wondering where the confused story had come from.

"Ah, well yes - we were a bit hasty with the cover story" she answered, quietly. "Well, we were still trying to sort out the mess at the other end too, Adam" she finished, at my surprised look.

"So how are things back at the old club then? Still ticking over?" I asked to change the subject. Ruth's expression hardened almost instantly.

"Ticking over as well as can be expected when we have the demon woman having a field day about all this, yes. They're launching an investigation into how this whole little affair came about, Adam it's bloody awful"

"Between you and me Ruth, I don't think Harry's too enthusiastic about how things will work out" I put the newspapers in my side cupboard and when I turned back, Ruth had a look of utter shock on her face.

"You don't mean he's going to…" she said

"Oh no, not without a bloody hard fight at least. No, he's just not looking forward to that fight."

"Good job he's got us to support him then. Adam, they can't get rid of Harry! I mean it was hardly his fault was it, what happened?" Ruth had a passionate anger burning in her blue eyes and it despite everything, it made me smile.

"No, no I know - and I've told him as such". I grinned.

"What?" she asked, calming down.

"Oh nothing, just… well, it's nice to see such strong loyalty to your boss, is all" I gave her a wink and there it was again, that colour rising in her cheeks.

"He should be free to go home in a few days" I told her and her eyes lit up.

"So soon?" she smiled

"Yeah, apparently the surgery went really well, so he's just got to have physiotherapy now… well, there's no point in me telling you all this, you may as well go and see him yourself, he's just down the hall." Ruth grinned at me.

"Yes, thank you Adam, I think I will" she said, standing. "Get better ok, we need you to help sort all this mess out"

"Will do, bye Ruth, have fun with Harry" I laughed at her enthusiasm as she headed to the door.

I might start a bet, see how many times I could make that woman blush in a single day. I laid back against my pillows and started to think. It was not great that the winged monkey was involved, but then again I knew she had to be. This could get very, very muddy. A sudden wave of tiredness washed over me and I closed my eyes, thinking of how we were going to have fight tooth and nail to get through this.

2 doors down the corridor, another tired man was dozing lightly. He stirred and opened his eyes to see a visitor, who was sat on the chair beside the bed and had been watching him sleep for the past 10 minutes.

"Ruth" Harry smiled. Ruth smiled back.


	3. Chapter 3

I've been re-watching the episodes of series 3 lately, IMHO, something _has _to happen between Ruth and Harry if he survives 4:10! (pretty please!) there's just too much chemistry for it to fizzle into nothingness! lol. What can I say about this chapter besides that it's rather fluffy and light, nothing too serious. Everyone needs a break sometimes :). Oh, also - my apologies if I've got Ruth's job description totally wrong in this, I can't quite figure out what her title is! lol. Please R&R - all comments greatly appreciated!

**Chapter 3**

Harry's sleepy eyes opened in surprise when he saw the identity of his visitor, but it wasn't because he was surprised to see her there. It was because of the reaction her presence caused in him. As soon as he woke from his slumber, he saw a pair of worried, warm blue eyes looking at him, and oddly, he felt safe and at home almost instantly. It was as though waking up with Ruth beside him, all be it sitting on the very edge of a visitor's chair beside his hospital bed, was the most natural thing in the world.

"Ruth" he smiled. Ruth smiled back and let out a breath she didn't realise she'd been holding.

"sorry, did I wake you? It sounded like you were dreaming" she said softly

"dreaming?" Harry asked lightly, recalling once again being held captive by a faceless giant looking over him, wearing a mask and holding a gun to his head, whilst Ruth stood on the other side of an invisible barrier just out of his reach screaming. He shifted in his bed, feeling uncomfortable that she had possibly overheard one of his re-occurring nightmares. They seemed to appear every time he closed his eyes these days.

"well, possibly. You were muttering something, but.. Anyway. How are you?" Ruth changed the subject, trying to get away from the embarrassing situation she'd found herself in. She'd heard Harry mumbling something that sounded like 'don't hurt her' in his sleep and had instinctively reached for his hand as it lay on the mattress by his side to comfort him. Just afterwards, Harry had stirred and she'd removed her hand as though she'd been holding it over a flame. Now she was fighting off the colour rising in her cheeks and Harry was looking at her with an unreadable expression on his face. Did he know?

"I, um...I'm feeling like I've been shot actually" Harry said after a while, sitting up in his bed and reaching for a glass of water on the side cupboard.

"I saw it happening Harry, none of us can believe it" Ruth watched Harry raise his eyebrows over the rim of the glass.

"Such a staggering u-turn took my by surprise too actually" he said, once he'd finished drinking. Ruth noticed that Harry had, either intentionally or not, dropped his defences slightly. She hoped this wasn't a sign of what Adam had mentioned earlier about him feeling responsible.

"Harry, you do know that this wasn't your fault don't you?" she asked, forcing herself not to once again take his hand in her own.

"I can't help but feel responsible Ruth, how can I not?" he sighed, surprising himself at his honesty and lack of concern about what Ruth would think of him for it.

"Harry, Adam is ok. He'll be out of hospital soon and as I hear, so will you be. The um, problem, has been taken care of - it's just a matter of taking Juliet down from her little peddle stool and putting her safely back in her box and then we can all move on from this" she was asking without directly asking, for Harry to believe in the confidence she had in him, and to be strong. Harry didn't miss the request and smiled.

"And I can always count on your support, can't I Ruth?" he don't know what made him do it, perhaps it was the sudden rush of warmth he'd felt at her words, perhaps it was the fact that just her being here made him actually feel stronger, maybe he was still drugged up on painkillers, but whatever it was that made him do it, Harry found himself reaching for Ruth's hand, and squeezing it in his. Ruth smiled widely and looked directly into Harry's eyes, pleased to simply be able to see them again.

"Yes, Harry. You can. Always."

Harry sat on his reclining chair, leg stretched out in front of him and a glass of scotch in his hand. He'd been released from hospital that afternoon and he was planning on having an easy evening before venturing back into the arena tomorrow morning. He'd be damned if he was going to sit around and do nothing, waiting for Juliet and her bunch of vultures to come and pick him to pieces. Ruth was right, he had to sort her out and move on with his job. Stopping terrorism was what he was good at and no dodgy knee or beast in a pin striped tailored suit was going to stop him.

Ruth.

His mind lazily produced images of her as he thought back to the last few days. She'd come to visit and made him feel stronger than any drug had managed. She'd reassured him that she'd always be there for him. He'd taken the step that had allowed them to cross that boundary. And now they were back in the real world. In hospital, he'd been Harry Peterson and she had been Ruth Eaton, normal people with normal lives. It was ok for them to open up to one another, confront feelings that they had both been hiding away. It was ok for Ruth to lean over and gently touch Harry's face, or for Harry to finally tell her just how much he adored it when she babbled nervously. They weren't real people when they were in that hospital room. Now though, they were back to being Harry and Ruth, boss and employee, head of MI-5 and superstar data analyst. Would this…_could_ this tentative budding relationship survive the harsh realities of their existence? Harry put down the untouched glass of scotch and reached a conclusion simultaneously. He wasn't sure whether their relationship could survive, but he for one wasn't going to let it go without a very hard fight. He stood up gingerly and picked up the phone. Half an hour, as he watched Ruth's blurry outline grow bigger in the stained glass of her front door, he was sure that he'd made the right decision. The next morning as they headed to Thames House via Harry's for a change of clothes, he was absolutely positive. He'd also had a nightmare-free sleep for the first time in weeks.


	4. Chapter 4

Should Adam survive 4:10 (please let him survive! lol) I'm really interested in how he's going to cope with it all. After all, there's only so much one guy can take! This chapter's just a little exploration into how it might go, please R&R.

**Chapter 4 (everybody has their weaknesses)**

Finally, after 4 weeks and 2 days, I am allowed back out into the real world. I've got to wear a sling to help my shoulder recover fully, and I've been instructed with some force to not even contemplate doing anything too strenuous for at least another 2 weeks. The sling I can cope with, needs be and all that, but I refuse to spend another day lying around doing nothing, even if it will now be in the comfort of my own home. Besides seeing Wes, I've not actually had any visitors for the past week and truth be told, I'm a little lost with what is going on outside. Part of me is desperate to get back to Thames House, just to catch up on the latest developments, but I have no reason not to believe Harry wouldn't carry out his threat and send me home laden down with a stack of long disgraced politician's tax receipts to sort through. And so, I find myself in the back of a black taxi heading home. Even being there, I can't help but feel like I'll be a little out of the loop. I've been away for so long. I wonder if I've got any milk in the fridge.

As I walk into the hallway of my home, taking in the smell, the texture of the carpet under my feet, the picture of me, Wes and Fi on the table, it's like the strength I've been using to hold everything together suddenly evaporates. The feeling of finally returning home, of being alive and of seeing my beautiful wife looking at me whilst she mercilessly tickles my son overwhelms me and before I know what's really happening, I'm on the floor in a heap crying my eyes out like a child. For all my cool, cocky guy image, I'm still just a guy that in the space of a year has seen one close colleague leave my life forever, heard another being murdered in cold blood and had my wife die in my arms. Myself and my boss almost being killed by a psychopath just pushes things to a whole new level and it's all just a bit too much. I've never needed anyone so much as I need Fiona right now. I wish she was here.

A pair of lean arms gathers me into an unfamiliar body and I look up through my tears to see Jo on her knees beside me. The fact that it's her and not Fiona makes me angry, and I roughly push her away despite knowing that she only wants to help.

"Ok Adam, ok. Just know that I'm here for you if you need me" she says gently, standing up and walking into my kitchen. For the moment I don't care why she's in my house, I just want to sit in my hallway and wait for the world to end.

It could be minutes, it could be hours later when I can compose myself enough to stand up and almost re-acknowledge the fact that I'm at home. I can hear Jo in the kitchen moving around and so I manage to drag one foot infront of the other and walk slowly into the brightly lit room. Jo turns when she hears me come in and smiles a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Jo. I was out of order" I tell her through a slightly sore throat as I take a seat at the table.

"Don't be stupid Adam, it's ok. I understand. You're probably wondering why I'm here eh?" she asks as she puts the kettle on. The word 'understand' makes the hairs at the back of my neck prickle. How can she possibly, _possibly_ understand? But for now, I chose to let it go.

"Harry sent you to make sure I was alright?" she's looking at me, I can feel her doing so even though I'm studying my hands that are on the table in front of me.

"Yes. I've been here a few days…I'll go if you want" she's stopped moving and I look up to see her standing in front on me, concern etched into every line of her young face. I sigh and resolve to pull myself together. None of this was Jo's fault as much as it was mine or Harry's. I can't punish her for how I'm feeling.

"No, no it's ok. I need to be brought up to date anyway with what's going on at work. I've been going mad" I manage a smile that I can tell hasn't quite convinced her that I don't mean that last part literally.

"Ok. Want a cup of tea?" she makes tea for both of us, before we move to the lounge and settle into the sofa.

"When's Wes coming back?" she asks first, and I reply that he's going to stay at his grandparent's for a little while longer before coming home at the end of the week. I'm so looking forward to having him here with me.

"Harry back at work?" I ask in between sips of the fist decent cup of tea I've had in ages.

"Yeah, yeah. Harry was back at work the day after getting home from hospital. He's been in a very good mood lately, despite everything. Actually, come to think of it, so has Ruth…" she stops mid sentence at my laughter. "What! Do you know something Adam?" she continues, a grin on her face.

"No. No! I don't, honest. I've been locked away in a hospital for a month, how could I?" I try to fight the smile off my face but fail miserably. If Harry and Ruth have finally got their act together and opened their eyes to the fact that both want each other, then it can only be a good thing. There needs to be more love in the world, especially in our little version of it. I shall have to have a word with them when I get back.

The next 3 hours are spent with Jo filling me in on all the important details of what has been going on with Juliet's investigation and the rest of the other news. By 10pm I am positively exhausted and just able to hold my eyes open long enough to let Jo know that I am heading to bed. Climbing in between the sheets 15 minutes later, I turn onto my side and look at the picture of Fiona on my bedside cabinet. I know that she is watching me. I've talked to her everyday since she died, even before the shrinks at Tring encouraged me to do so.

"Thank you for having a word and keeping me alive, Fi. I promise I'll take care of Wes, just like you asked. We'll be ok. I love you."

Just about to go into the bathroom, Jo heard talking and stopped. What she heard brought tears to her eyes. As she brushed her teeth and prepared for another night of sleeping on Adam's sofa, she wondered just what she was going to tell Harry in the morning.


End file.
